No One Knew Faleena Hopkins’ Name & She Was Stupid Enough To Change That Revised

For John and Marion who have seen this kind of behavior far too often, sometimes from much better writers

Meet Faleena Hopkins, an Indie author very, very few people had ever hear of before a couple weeks ago when she decided that the world wasn’t smart enough for other authors to use the word “cocky”. Sigh. It’s a really, really long story, and stupid.

Video removed before she tries to have this whole blog taken down. Fear not. I’ve taken notes.

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Welp, she didn’t promise not to drink and blog so here we go.

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Hooo, boy, TEH  DRAMAZ. I haven’t seen all that many people defending Princess Pickled but maybe I’m not looking in all the wrong places. No one wants her blood, they just want the word “cocky” back to its former, pristine, untrademarked self. Is that too, too much to ask? And what the hell is “too dark”? Bitch, put down the bottle, get up, and flick the light switch.

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And about that light, a light in the eyes does not prevent others from smelling the bullshit.

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First of all, am I the only one who thinks this is just self-indulgent drivel? So Faleena admits to writing the C&D letters, no surprise, tell us something we didn’t know. I guess that the “saving money” because she has use hers for all sorts of other stuff might be new but, really, there has been some speculation about how much money Faleena really has. I guess the amount has changed at least once.

And no, this is not the worst mistake of your life. But you STILL haven’t figured out what is, stop drinking and see if your ability to think and act like the professional you purport to be suddenly makes an appearance.

And, Princess Pickled, you are entertaining, sort of. In a what-is-she-on-or-drinking, is-she-really-that-stupid, does-she-think-we’re-that-stupid, torpedoed-her-mediocre-writing-career kind of way.  A lot of popcorn and liquor has been consumed watching you histrionically nuke your writing career. Of course, not by those you’ve made miserable by your money grab.

Ohhh, Princess, you think your life is hard?  You chose this, so stop whining.

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Her name, her name, her  bee-you-ti-ful name, sullied by the masses. Loook, look, the hellz, the hellz she is suffering, suffering. Friends suddenly aren’t 100% in her corner. Friends are smart. Princess, needs new unsmart friends.

Guess she has them because they are telling her to keep going. Here’s a clue, if they aren’t just in your head (and the bottle), they really aren’t your friends. Friends are the ones who tell you the things you seem to be ignoring. Friends are the ones you are now ignoring, friends are something you used to have.

“Hurt,  tired, an emotional artist protecting her babies. “

OMG, you sell your babies to strangers on the internet? What kind of monster are you? None. None, because as it has been said before, books aren’t babies.

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Judging you, judging you.




Princess, no, you don’t sound like a huge bitch, you sound like a dumb bitch. And an arrogant one. Did it ever occur to you that lawyers are writers, too? That the average writer might be one, know one, live next to one, be married to one?

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Oh, man, the self indulgence. No. The end of your rope? You trademarked a WORD, and you want sympathy from the writing world? Princess. Pickled. And Al-Anon? Try them.

All those mean people, being mean to meeeeeeeeee. (sob, hiccup)

A “publishing machine”? So, an author who has written a large number of books is a machine? Good try at dehumanizing but, bzzt, no cigar. Jealous much?

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You talked to other authors and they gave you good advice that you ignored because, hey, you thought it would be a career booster to take down a “bigger” author? I just bet you were writing out your self congratulatory remarks for that scenario when reality hit the fan.

“One had been a “friend”‘, one was being a really good friend but you just don’t know the definition. And speaking of not knowing the definition, sorry, getting ahead of myself.

“Much larger than they were”,  guess that puts them in their places.

Then you just had to try, she writes!, she threatens!, she’s exposed! all over the net. :You can’t bully upward”, tell me, I read, and have a screenshot somewhere) that your estimated worth in $17,000,000.00. Also heard you changed it to $2,500.000.00, so I gotta ask, who’s bullying upward?

Or maybe those numbers are as fake as some of your other claims, hmmm?

Then you do one of your people are simple and stupid and won’t look past her tweets when what you’re really hoping is they won’t look past yours. We are not simple or stupid. Dear Readers, what do i always tell you, look it up.

“She” isn’t a victim or a genius, she’s an author who can see beyond the end of her ego. Try it sometime, you will need binoculars.

She didn’t change your life, you did. Stop it. The problem with being morally comfortable with your choices and ignoring all those former friends who gave you so much good advice you ignored is that your comfortable morals are all about you and have nothing to do with the community you are busy shitting on.

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Got news for you, princess, it won’t ever go away and that’s on you. Isn’t anything your fault?

I have no idea what went on with her Instagram account but I’m willing to bet she got a few less than complimentary remarks and realized the world wasn’t going to march to her tune so she shut it down.

So now that her name and books are in the public eye more people read them or read the excerpts and realize as I did that she isn’t that good of a writer. She rises to the level of mediocre but that’s just my opinion. And her writing style, do not get me started.

So other readers read her books and, surprise, they weren’t blown away. The crushing blow to that enormous ego must’ve really hurt. So of course they had to be haterz, they had to be “the mob”, they just couldn’t be readers/authors/bloggers who read a lot and wanted to see what the author who ha high-jacked a common usage word was capable of, and they found not much.

NY Daily News isn’t the only paper/magazine writing about it and most of them aren’t on your side. Cause they might be affected someday by your actions.

Harasses “real” reviewers on Goodreads and Amazon? Like your followers are doing? I’m sure some back and forth is going on but you and yours are not blameless. Once again, we aren’t stupid, we look beyond your claims of blameless martyrdom.

YOu are attacking people’s livelihood and you cry because they aren’t wishing you rainbows and unicorns.

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Lose everything? No, no. They just want you to revoke your trademarks and go do all your other stuff cause your writing career is pretty much gone.

And new readers does not equal new admirers. We aren’t all going to love you and you guaranteed that now reviewers aren’t going to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Yep, there are videos but you DRANK and made an epic one (one I am going to get around to flogging soon) so I think you can pretty much claim the humiliation starts with you and yours. Own it.

Public flogging? A lash has not touched your skin. Put the damned bottle down. But, yeah, I admit I’m waiting because you are just so damned committed to forcing the image of yourself as a blameless victim on a group that has been there, seen that before. You aren’t doing anything new. You aren’t any better than those who tried it before you. You just think you are.

We don’t have to justify anything, you are a bully. Not a highly successful one but still a bully.

We don’t have to justify anything, you are a bully. Not a highly successful one but still a bully. (saying it over but not over and over)


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You know, I’ve seen that claim about iTunes and KU before, now where? Oh, yes, Rebecca Hamilton. And that is  another interesting story.

So you are claiming someone, somewhere knew you were being approached by Amazon and iTuned you? How did they know? Did you tell anybody?

Oh those one stars on GR. Here’s a revelation for you, people do that all the time. It could be because they’ve read a book, or any or all of your previous books and decided that that was more than enough and they use a one star to remind themselves that they just aren’t that into you. Or they don’t like you and don’t want to buy your books. Or after 19 books they’ve given up on you improving.

Oh, for Cthulhu’s sake, get a grip. Nobody knew who you were. I doubt they all started writing “cocky” books based on the mediocre scribblings of a basically unknown author. Maybe they all liked Tara Crescent’s “cocky” books and decided to emulate her. I mean people know her. And maybe that’s your problem, they know her.

Oh, hey, Faleena, you are full of shit.  Readers aren’t confused, unless all of yours read drunk and then maybe they are, they can tell who wrote what. And if they buy one by mistake they can return it or read it. They might even like it, maybe more than yours. And maybe that’s another problem for you. Can’t always be the prettiest, most popular girl, princess.

And then you almost lost a reader because she read someone else’s cock book and din’t like it. She couldn’t look at two book covers with two different author’s  names on the front and figure out which book she read? She couldn’t tell from reading the free excerpt? One whole reader. An economic disaster of Titanic proportions.

Yes. I am mocking you, Princess Pickled.

Books gonna sometimes have the same title. And why would authors retitle their books because you want sole possession? Arrogant much? Maybe YOU copied THEM. After some of the shit you’ve tried I would not be surprised. No one trusts your word. That’s all on you.

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So she uses ‘cocky” and you just can’t stand it. Man, I see a great promotional opportunity there but, hey, we all know now you don’t want to share. You are stupid.

And now you want to insult the RWA. Romance writers and readers as a group are the stuff of nightmares if you want to act like a money-grabbing moron. They protect their own and by extension other writers, too. They are not “self appointed”, they are an organization some of those authors affected by you belong to and those authors, quite rightly, appealed to them for help.

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You, when you thought you had more clout and money than a few indie authors.

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You, when you realized the little Indies called the motherfish.

It’s a fish-eat-fish world, Faleena, and you are a guppy.

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Of course she isn’t going to call you, guppy, you threatened her children. Motherfish isn’t amused. You wanted the big time, here it is.

So now you consult a lawyer? Not sure I really believe this because somewhere in there should be a little section on them asking you what were you thinking? Or maybe what were you drinking?

You put yourself in that corner, no one else did that. Accept that you made the biggest mistake possible and then that you continue to add to it and you are a complete ass. You can get out of your corner, no one is holding a gun on you. But by all means, continue to be stupid, it looks so good on you. Not.

Everybody keeps screenshots. You would not believe my massive library of them. If you think that strikes terror in anybody’s heart, think again. Every word you have put out there and deleted is in someone’s library. Think about that.


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So this is really all about Tara being the prettier, more popular author? A lot of people think it is. And Tara belongs to the motherfish, you have a very dim idea of how things work if you think motherfish can talk to you now. They can’t. You made sure of that.

Nobody will talk to you? Oh noes, why, why, why is this happening? If she could only talk to – who? You don’t want to talk to them, even now you only want them to lay down and let you dance on their body of work. After all, if you can get away with this once, what word will you take away next?

And if you are successful, what word will some other author take away? What happens if the word is “brothers”, princess? Because that’s next, believe it.

And that “sisterhood”, you could have been a part of that, so stop whining.

Whatever you lose is what you have chosen to lose. Words, actions, consequences.  Have you EVER accepted the consequences for anything you’ve ever done?

You keep saying you want to talk. I don’t believe it. You are trolling for supporters. Someone who will tell you, ” I’m a writer and I fully support you, you brave little toasted, uh, toaster.” And all the while going behind your back and trademarking “brothers’ and “family”. That’s your sisterhood, Faleena.

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Bogart is not the term you want to use, princess. Unless you mean she refused to share with you and that opens up a whole new discussion.

So people had their successful books imitated. WOW! Something that has never happened- other than every single time a book or series is successful. How are you going to stop it?

I’m sorry some author had her long running success cut short, maybe, but no book stays top of the heap forever.

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Well, yeah, that is how it is. But trademarking a word isn’t going to change it.

You have no integrity and your reputation is what you made it.

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Still not gonna read your books. And so if you manage to hold onto that word you will reward some charity with your ill-gotten gains. I hope they spit in your face. And if you ever read this you won’t have the slightest idea why I feel this way.

I’m going to agree you didn’t do this for the money- not solely for the money. You did this for the power. And the fame, or in your case the infamy. You did it for the “that’s Faleena Hopkins the author who won” admiration you think a win will afford you. You think wrong.

Keep your stand, time and hopefully the justice system will kick your legs out from under you.

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Yeah, your readers, the ones who can’t figure out if you wrote a book without you grabbing the word “cocky”. The ones that can’t figure out that if your name isn’t on the book then you didn’t write it. The ones who can’t return the wrong book. Those.

Then she posts a bunch of notes from her fans telling her how much she means to them and how her work changed their lives, saved their lives, etc. because no other author has ever had that happen to them. Hell, even the god-awful Laurell K Hamilton has fan mail like this, proving that even the worst drivel in the world is someone’s cup of tea.

Well, there you have it the “whole story” I guess according to Faleena, or as I shall forever call her Princess Pickled. Before I go, one last question:

Faleena, how drunk do you have to be to post something like this?

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I’ll get to that video. Soon.